When I dream I see things from my own perspective (but I don't dream about things that I have experienced). I can't remember if I have ever dreamed from another perspective than my own eyes. Real sounds in my environment can be incorporated into the dreams, but I am not certain that my dreams have any sounds created by my mind. It definitely don't contain any other sensory perceptions.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I just do it. There is no perceived contious thought involved. It is not pretty pictures, they lack details and proper perspective. But you can see what they are suppose to depict.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
Do you voluntarily create memories? Not as far as I know...
If you mean that I saw it in person. Then I just know that I was there (including when and where). Having said that. When I compare my recollection with a former girlfriend that doesn't have Aphantasia, my memory of when something happened a couple of years ago, is often not as precise as her memory of the same event.
Even so, her memory isn't perfect either. If it were not for the fact that she write in a diary, she wouldn't have known that some of her memories is wrong to...
If you on the other hand is refering to knowing what a sunset/sunrise is. Then I would say that it is more like looking up a definition in a dictionary or encyclopedia. It is a short description (with words) of the main characteristics.
I have complete multi-sensory aphantasia, so I can't see images, nor do I hear sounds or experience any other senses mentally. I dream vividly and often, always from my perspective. They're often very weird dreams, and I often don't remember them for very long after awakening. I am terrible at painting and drawing likely because I can't hold an image of anything in my head. I love photography because I get to use what is on hand to create the image and I don't have to do it from scratch. I also enjoy writing, though I don't do it very often lately. I can't remember any sunsets or sunrises visually, but I can remember how watching an amazing one made me feel. I can also remember some by telling you where and when they were. I can't see them or recreate them in any way. I'm very glad that we're finally studying aphantasia.
I have Aphantasia. I see clear images when I dream. I also see images when I am on the massage table in during (what I believe to be) stage one sleep. I am a singer/songwriter/musician and I feel that my creative process is fertile. I can’t visualize a sunset in my conscious mind’s eye but I remember how they made me feel as I observed them. I believe that studying Aphantasia might unlock a lot about how our brains work. However, I fear that this will never be comprehensively studied on a large scale because it affects a small percentage of the population
Dreams? I don't, much. Most tend to be 'nightmares', although they are actually old memories (ain't trauma grand?), and those few that fall outside of that category tend to involve people/places I know and a sense of foreboding.
Visual creative processes? (I act, hence the clarification ;) ) Incredibly frustrating. I often have... the sensation of art I'd like to make, but because I can't SEE it (and my talent is not exactly the greatest), I can't translate that onto page/canvas/whatever very well.
Creating memory? This is somewhat linked to what I mentioned in the above section. My memories aren't a matter of seeing an image or watching something play out. They are almost a physical thing - a strange feeling of actually being present in that moment. And yet it's not something where I could point out specific sensations exactly - it's just a weird, almost out-of-body (yet somehow the inverse) impression. It can be really unsettling at times - of course, being diagnosed with epilepsy a year and a half ago has made it a little harder to control and react to them as well as I used to, but I'll figure that out. But as to creating them consciously? Not really - up until the seizures I had a really good memory, and it was never something I really had to work at (witness the multiple times I've learned Shakespeare roles in a day because somebody in our cast got sick :) ). The only memories I can think of that are created consciously are learning lines for shows...
I have multi-sensory aphantasia, but I definitely have sounds and images in my dreams.
I don't see myself in my dreams - someone else described it as being the protagonist in their dreams, and that applies to me too. I'm not sure that I've ever heard myself talk / my own voice in a dream either.
I don't think I dream about anything that has actually happened in my life, it feels like they are more fantasy-based.
I don't recall experiencing any other senses in my dreams, just moving images (in colour) and sounds.
Some dreams can be quite vivid, although the details fade fast when I wake up. Even though I know my dreams had sounds and images, I can't re-call them in terms of visualisation.
I don't consider myself very creative, and have not done much drawing or painting. I have tried writing (fiction, non-fiction), but I find I struggle to describe things in enough detail. While I enjoy reading, descriptions of scenery or detail get boring quickly, because I can't "see" the picture they're trying to paint.
When it comes to forming memories, I have a sense of things that happened, but without much detail. People will sometimes recall something that I was a part of, and I might not remember it at all, or only very vaguely. I wouldn't be able to form a memory of a sunrise/sunset, only the situation, like the first sunrise I watched with my husband.
I don't remember most of my dreams, but when I do, I'm often aware I'm dreaming and can control what happens. I experience them like I experience waking life, as a protagonist. The dreams that stuck with me over time are ones that felt meaningful at the time, and as a result, I retell them to think them through, and eventually they're part of my imaginal anthology of personal stories.
I have some natural artistic skills, but I often struggle to know what to paint or draw if I'm not looking directly at something. I would get very frustrated as a kid because I wanted to be an artist, but I couldn't draw if I had to look away from the thing I was drawing. Conversely, I'm a writer, and my readers often comment on the richness of the imagery I use. Storytelling seems to be how my brain holds onto things.
I've been thinking a lot about memory since I discovered I have aphantasia. I would suggest my memory is narrative. If an event feels significant to me, I immediately begin telling myself the story of what happened and what it means. I'll tell other people the story, and over time, the story becomes the memory. When I want to remember visual things like sunsets, I scroll through my Instagram feed.
Recently, I made a little zine for my son's 19th birthday, and I put photos of him at every age together. It was the first time I've looked at all those photos, and it made me an emotional mess. I think I accept him at the age he's at because I don't have competing images of him at younger ages. In that sense, no visual memory makes things easier to accept as they are, I think.
I usually dream just before I wake up (I realize that I have already woken up and at any moment I can move my body and reset the dream). In my sleep, I don't smell, I don't hear any sounds, and I don't feel the softness or hardness of objects. In rare cases, I can feel some emotions, but they are very fleeting. The dream itself looks like a memory (I know what was there, who participated in the dream, what color and shape creatures or objects were supposed to be, but I can't recreate the picture in my head). It's like a movie of memories that are created by the brain involuntarily (as I said above, I feel the edge of sleep and awakening, at this moment it's just interesting to watch this process: if you try to knock down the flow of your thoughts, then you wake up) or as if I'm reading a book that is being written in real time. Dreams are always in the first person.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I don't draw well, but it doesn't bother me. I like to use more references.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
If I saw it, then I just remember the signs of that event: where it was, what the weather was at that moment, what color the sky was, whether there were many clouds.
Dreaming happens very rarely for me now but seemed to happen more when I was younger. I had a set of repeat style dreams over 45 years ago that were really vivid and I had control over them. As Joel kindly noted previously, this may be a kind of Hypnagogic Hallucination. So maybe I only have this crossover wake/sleep experience. It’s a nice experience otherwise I feel I’m a a total blank.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I’m a graphic designer. Others seem to draw or copy an image they have in their mind. For me, my image appears on the paper. I still think I want this, this and this, but it appears on the paper as I create it, not in my mind first.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
If it’s a specific place then I’ll remember the location name. Although names don’t stick well, but if Iv’e been there they should. If I have the name I can add words on top - like beach, waves, glistening water, golden lighting. Until I have all the words to go with the event. I guess I add a list of non specific items together until it’s specific to the event. And that’s my memory. And if a person was there, the don’t have an image, the have a name or their own list of attributes.
Maybe a good question would be how do you remember names. If they have the same name as another person I remember them by association. Otherwise it takes me maybe a year if they are a close associate. Even when I see family members I’ve known my whole life I’ll forget and have to work at it for the name to come to me. So I just say “hello" without their name. Or if I get over confidant, may three wrong names will pop out first. I hate it when that happens.
I dream most nights. My dreams are quite explicit, but when I wake, if I try to remember specifics, the dream fades and I can’t recapture it. My dream involves people I know, though they might be different ages. I certainly dream from my own perspective.
I made the mistake of choosing to do art as a Main subject in college, before I realised how hopeless I was. I have been frustrated by my considerable inability to create anything unique from my own creativity. I do not feel I have creative ability and rely 100% on the 90,000 photos I have stored on my phone.
I could not paint or create (in felt - my favourite medium) a sunset or sunrise without photos to “copy”.
I don’t think I voluntarily create memories, I just feel very, very sad that I remember so little about my life and my loved ones, particularly those who have passed or moved away. I do, however, think that my inability to remember “helped” me to stay in a dysfunctional and abusive marriage for nearly 50 years.
I agree with so much of what others have shared here…
I have always had very vivid dreams, albeit infrequent, and when younger would often talk to someone whilst asleep about what Im seeing. It used to fascinate my mum. I also used to get very confused when dreaming about a normal day, I now realise that my SDAM and Prosopagnosia help merge this with my normal very scant memories of the previous day. I do mostly have fantasy dreams, and have been known to wake the whole house by screaming myself awake, such as when the cannibal fairies broke in. Or there was the time I turned to my husband and plaintively asked “but what if I am already satan?” FYI, no I am not religious. I have nothing in my head as far as any senses go, no inner monologue, or structured thoughts. I can only have the coherent thoughts necessary to dictate this post by subvocalising. On another note entirely, I am now starting to get occasional hypnogogic imagery. I have chronic pain and fatigue, so I have more opportunity for this than most. I believe the increase is due to me no longer being scared that I am either “hearing voices” or “seeing things” and suppressing them in fear. The other day, I got a very vivid, bright window with a tree outside of it for a few seconds till it floated away, and this was my clearest yet. I used to think daydreaming was looking for the shapes in the clouds and movement in the scenery, as thats my skill: seeing the patterns in life in all their relationships.
As far as art goes, I am very good at drawing from a photo or still life, but trying to even do a more impressionistic version was beyond me. My mother was a teacher who specialised in art, and tried for years to help me before giving in. Instead these days, I do handcrafts and design my own knitwear for example, I believe I use my spatial memory and pattern recognition more in doing this. For example I realised I could use fairisle techniques to do a 2 bit pattern, so made my husband a space invaders cardigan.
I have vivid dreams, with full imagery, as if I was there.
When conscious, I have zero mental imgary. The best way I can describe it is with a map analogy.
I have an excellent sense of direction but I must first understand the map spacially. When I first look at one visually I am completely lost, but once I anchor myself to landmarks, it is as if I can feel the map, I know where I am on it. I don't look at it and see myself on it, but rather, transplant myself into it.
Imagine an old cathode ray TV set. It's like the image of the map is being broadcast with all its details into the circuitry of the TV, but the screen is not showing it, so instead of looking at it with my eyes, I feel my way around it with my neurons.
I also remember a lot more than most people, and I think that's becase txt files are way smaller than mpegs :)
I have aphantasia and don't experience mental imagery in my dreams. I am aware of events transpiring in a conceptual way, much like my memories or when reading a book. I have the details, I just don't see them in my mind. When recalling a sunset, I remember the colours in the sky, the shapes of the clouds, the surrounding environment, the quality of the light - just conceptually, not visually. I suppose people without aphantasia don't have much of a reference point for this?
Congratulations! When will the book/audiobook be available in other markets? I am in the US and eager to get the audiobook. I get a lot of newsletters, but yours is the only one that I await and actually read! I so appreciate your doing this work. It's good to know that I am not alone.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia? I used to see things in my dreams when I was younger, but I have zero dream recall now (48 & no recall for decades). Every once in a while I have it, usually a bad dream and always the same topic, but this is extremely rare now. I suspect my dream recall issues are B vitamin/methylation related. When I started the correct vitamins (folinic acid & methylated Bs) I had dream recall for the first time in years, but only for a few days. It didn't last. Since finding out about aphantasia (🤯) I have wondered if this is somehow related to aphantasia or just my bad luck to have no recall and no mind's eye. From comments here sounds like my bad luck...
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing? I am pretty equally left and right brained, meaning I love science, but I also make art. I just do it, I guess, since I don't "see" it beforehand. I prefer abstract these days (maybe partly because of aphantasia, but also because of nerve damage to my dominant hand. Thanks MS! I can't do anything realistic well with my one good hand.) I did need to create from a reference photo if going for realistic in the past.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise? I used to be good with my memories and dates and times, but with the MS not so anymore. Otherwise kinesthetically, like everything else. I don't really have memories of what the sunset looks like, it's about the overall experience and feeling. In middle/high school and college I did photography for the yearbook and newspaper etc. Likely, because it was what helped me remember. I am kinesthetic and auditory over visual when it comes to learning styles, but it's not like I am not visual. I love art, the beauty of nature, colors and textures etc. But I feel it or experience it or hear it or see it with my eyes. I am not a great speller, but I usually know if something is spelled wrong by looking at it written, which is visual. But I can't spell in my mind, I have to type or write it out to spell a word. Like a previous post mentioned I have a narrative memory. Perfect way to put it. I tell stories about things and used to have a lot of details when I was younger despite ADHD-I and aphantasia. Now my good memory is gone, but that's related to B vitamin deficiencies and MS
The book does not appear on Audible at all, but now when I search Amazon it shows that the ebook will be available March 28th (but only shows the ebook no audio or hardback). So looks like it's just a delay for the US market. That's okay. At least it shows up now. Originally I couldn't find anything listed on Amazon or Audible or other sites.
Every night, I have multiple vivid color dreams that are movie-like in quality. On a very few occasions, I have experienced smells and sounds in my dreams. I had my first color dream many decades ago when I was 18. It was such a surprise at the time that I remember exactly what is was about to this day. After that, I dreamt in color from time-to-time. It may just be a coincidence, but I feel that the frequency and vividness of my color dreams have increased significantly since Covid.
I can't say for sure, but I think all of my dreams are from my perspective.
I have tried experimenting with visualizing imagery while falling asleep. On a couple of occasions, I was able to conjure up a vague grey image when I was in the twilight zone between wakefulness and sleep.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I have very little creativity in areas such as painting and drawing.
Discovering last year that I have aphantasia helped me understand why I have always been a visual learner. I would always ask my staff to draw me a picture, or show me a prototype. When I remodeled my backyard years ago, I had to ask my designer to show me 3-D drawings, as her 2-D plans meant nothing to me.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
I can remember some specific sunrises though I can't visualize them, of course. I enjoy photography. I'm not sure if I'm remembering the memory of the sunrise or the photo I took of the sunrise. I can describe the sunset memory quite well even though there is no mental image of it.
Do you voluntarily create memories?
I'm not sure I understand the question. Discovering aphantasia has helped me understand why so much of my life is a blank. I have complete multi-sensory aphantasia so that hasn't helped. I suspected my autobiographical memory was not as strong as most people, and now I understand why. I think my wife realizes now that I am not being disingenuous when I tell her "I don't remember that." Unlike me, she even remembers the clothes I was wearing 10 years ago when I said "such and such." Another downside of aphantasia is that I've always felt at a disadvantage when arguing a point with her because she remembers so much more detail than me.
Fortunately, only one of my two sons also has aphantasia.
On a different note, I also experienced "exploding head syndrome" for the first time in my life last year. I was about to take a nap when I heard a very loud noise that sounded very real, but was actually not. I also saw a bright explosion of white light similar to fireworks. I had an MRI scan done just in case, but nothing abnormal was found.
Keep up the research! It has been helpful to learn more about this phenomenon.
I dream very vividly, in full colour and with a great deal of detail. some of my dreams are like a whole film script!! I can wake exhausted. I use anti-depressants; one of the issues if I don't use them is that I dream even more and wake up even more tired.
I can remember some things in great visual detail. One example is the wallpaper we had in our kitchen 60 years ago - very modern for the day, black and purple and a couple of other colours (that I don't remember) diamond shapes on what we would now call a statement wall. (I can also remember a lot of detail about the look and feel of things in that old house, such as the brass door handles, the curve of the dark wood bannister etc)
My earliest memory is of waking up in a room with my mother. When I described the detail of that memory, my mother could tell me where it was and roughly when - I was 18 or 19 months old. However, I cannot summon those memories in my mind's eye. I have no idea how I recall them but I do.That is the same way that I summon up the memory of a sunset.
I can't draw or paint. Any creativity I have is with words.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia?
When I dream I see things from my own perspective (but I don't dream about things that I have experienced). I can't remember if I have ever dreamed from another perspective than my own eyes. Real sounds in my environment can be incorporated into the dreams, but I am not certain that my dreams have any sounds created by my mind. It definitely don't contain any other sensory perceptions.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I just do it. There is no perceived contious thought involved. It is not pretty pictures, they lack details and proper perspective. But you can see what they are suppose to depict.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
Do you voluntarily create memories? Not as far as I know...
If you mean that I saw it in person. Then I just know that I was there (including when and where). Having said that. When I compare my recollection with a former girlfriend that doesn't have Aphantasia, my memory of when something happened a couple of years ago, is often not as precise as her memory of the same event.
Even so, her memory isn't perfect either. If it were not for the fact that she write in a diary, she wouldn't have known that some of her memories is wrong to...
If you on the other hand is refering to knowing what a sunset/sunrise is. Then I would say that it is more like looking up a definition in a dictionary or encyclopedia. It is a short description (with words) of the main characteristics.
thanks Cane!
I have complete multi-sensory aphantasia, so I can't see images, nor do I hear sounds or experience any other senses mentally. I dream vividly and often, always from my perspective. They're often very weird dreams, and I often don't remember them for very long after awakening. I am terrible at painting and drawing likely because I can't hold an image of anything in my head. I love photography because I get to use what is on hand to create the image and I don't have to do it from scratch. I also enjoy writing, though I don't do it very often lately. I can't remember any sunsets or sunrises visually, but I can remember how watching an amazing one made me feel. I can also remember some by telling you where and when they were. I can't see them or recreate them in any way. I'm very glad that we're finally studying aphantasia.
me too Janice! and there are more and more people getting into the research all the time! finally, it's catching on and becoming popular!
I have Aphantasia. I see clear images when I dream. I also see images when I am on the massage table in during (what I believe to be) stage one sleep. I am a singer/songwriter/musician and I feel that my creative process is fertile. I can’t visualize a sunset in my conscious mind’s eye but I remember how they made me feel as I observed them. I believe that studying Aphantasia might unlock a lot about how our brains work. However, I fear that this will never be comprehensively studied on a large scale because it affects a small percentage of the population
HI Jeb, "clear images" sounds really interesting. do you mean like glass or something?
Probably about 5% of the population has it, which is a lot of people globally when!
No. It does not mean like glass. Vivid or realistic would have been better words to describe my dream images.
Dreams? I don't, much. Most tend to be 'nightmares', although they are actually old memories (ain't trauma grand?), and those few that fall outside of that category tend to involve people/places I know and a sense of foreboding.
Visual creative processes? (I act, hence the clarification ;) ) Incredibly frustrating. I often have... the sensation of art I'd like to make, but because I can't SEE it (and my talent is not exactly the greatest), I can't translate that onto page/canvas/whatever very well.
Creating memory? This is somewhat linked to what I mentioned in the above section. My memories aren't a matter of seeing an image or watching something play out. They are almost a physical thing - a strange feeling of actually being present in that moment. And yet it's not something where I could point out specific sensations exactly - it's just a weird, almost out-of-body (yet somehow the inverse) impression. It can be really unsettling at times - of course, being diagnosed with epilepsy a year and a half ago has made it a little harder to control and react to them as well as I used to, but I'll figure that out. But as to creating them consciously? Not really - up until the seizures I had a really good memory, and it was never something I really had to work at (witness the multiple times I've learned Shakespeare roles in a day because somebody in our cast got sick :) ). The only memories I can think of that are created consciously are learning lines for shows...
I have multi-sensory aphantasia, but I definitely have sounds and images in my dreams.
I don't see myself in my dreams - someone else described it as being the protagonist in their dreams, and that applies to me too. I'm not sure that I've ever heard myself talk / my own voice in a dream either.
I don't think I dream about anything that has actually happened in my life, it feels like they are more fantasy-based.
I don't recall experiencing any other senses in my dreams, just moving images (in colour) and sounds.
Some dreams can be quite vivid, although the details fade fast when I wake up. Even though I know my dreams had sounds and images, I can't re-call them in terms of visualisation.
I don't consider myself very creative, and have not done much drawing or painting. I have tried writing (fiction, non-fiction), but I find I struggle to describe things in enough detail. While I enjoy reading, descriptions of scenery or detail get boring quickly, because I can't "see" the picture they're trying to paint.
When it comes to forming memories, I have a sense of things that happened, but without much detail. People will sometimes recall something that I was a part of, and I might not remember it at all, or only very vaguely. I wouldn't be able to form a memory of a sunrise/sunset, only the situation, like the first sunrise I watched with my husband.
I don't remember most of my dreams, but when I do, I'm often aware I'm dreaming and can control what happens. I experience them like I experience waking life, as a protagonist. The dreams that stuck with me over time are ones that felt meaningful at the time, and as a result, I retell them to think them through, and eventually they're part of my imaginal anthology of personal stories.
I have some natural artistic skills, but I often struggle to know what to paint or draw if I'm not looking directly at something. I would get very frustrated as a kid because I wanted to be an artist, but I couldn't draw if I had to look away from the thing I was drawing. Conversely, I'm a writer, and my readers often comment on the richness of the imagery I use. Storytelling seems to be how my brain holds onto things.
I've been thinking a lot about memory since I discovered I have aphantasia. I would suggest my memory is narrative. If an event feels significant to me, I immediately begin telling myself the story of what happened and what it means. I'll tell other people the story, and over time, the story becomes the memory. When I want to remember visual things like sunsets, I scroll through my Instagram feed.
Recently, I made a little zine for my son's 19th birthday, and I put photos of him at every age together. It was the first time I've looked at all those photos, and it made me an emotional mess. I think I accept him at the age he's at because I don't have competing images of him at younger ages. In that sense, no visual memory makes things easier to accept as they are, I think.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia?
I usually dream just before I wake up (I realize that I have already woken up and at any moment I can move my body and reset the dream). In my sleep, I don't smell, I don't hear any sounds, and I don't feel the softness or hardness of objects. In rare cases, I can feel some emotions, but they are very fleeting. The dream itself looks like a memory (I know what was there, who participated in the dream, what color and shape creatures or objects were supposed to be, but I can't recreate the picture in my head). It's like a movie of memories that are created by the brain involuntarily (as I said above, I feel the edge of sleep and awakening, at this moment it's just interesting to watch this process: if you try to knock down the flow of your thoughts, then you wake up) or as if I'm reading a book that is being written in real time. Dreams are always in the first person.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I don't draw well, but it doesn't bother me. I like to use more references.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
If I saw it, then I just remember the signs of that event: where it was, what the weather was at that moment, what color the sky was, whether there were many clouds.
I’m a lot like you, Daria. I can’t reset dreams. I know what happens, but I don’t have visual dreams.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia?
Dreaming happens very rarely for me now but seemed to happen more when I was younger. I had a set of repeat style dreams over 45 years ago that were really vivid and I had control over them. As Joel kindly noted previously, this may be a kind of Hypnagogic Hallucination. So maybe I only have this crossover wake/sleep experience. It’s a nice experience otherwise I feel I’m a a total blank.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I’m a graphic designer. Others seem to draw or copy an image they have in their mind. For me, my image appears on the paper. I still think I want this, this and this, but it appears on the paper as I create it, not in my mind first.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
If it’s a specific place then I’ll remember the location name. Although names don’t stick well, but if Iv’e been there they should. If I have the name I can add words on top - like beach, waves, glistening water, golden lighting. Until I have all the words to go with the event. I guess I add a list of non specific items together until it’s specific to the event. And that’s my memory. And if a person was there, the don’t have an image, the have a name or their own list of attributes.
Maybe a good question would be how do you remember names. If they have the same name as another person I remember them by association. Otherwise it takes me maybe a year if they are a close associate. Even when I see family members I’ve known my whole life I’ll forget and have to work at it for the name to come to me. So I just say “hello" without their name. Or if I get over confidant, may three wrong names will pop out first. I hate it when that happens.
I dream most nights. My dreams are quite explicit, but when I wake, if I try to remember specifics, the dream fades and I can’t recapture it. My dream involves people I know, though they might be different ages. I certainly dream from my own perspective.
I made the mistake of choosing to do art as a Main subject in college, before I realised how hopeless I was. I have been frustrated by my considerable inability to create anything unique from my own creativity. I do not feel I have creative ability and rely 100% on the 90,000 photos I have stored on my phone.
I could not paint or create (in felt - my favourite medium) a sunset or sunrise without photos to “copy”.
I don’t think I voluntarily create memories, I just feel very, very sad that I remember so little about my life and my loved ones, particularly those who have passed or moved away. I do, however, think that my inability to remember “helped” me to stay in a dysfunctional and abusive marriage for nearly 50 years.
I agree with so much of what others have shared here…
I have always had very vivid dreams, albeit infrequent, and when younger would often talk to someone whilst asleep about what Im seeing. It used to fascinate my mum. I also used to get very confused when dreaming about a normal day, I now realise that my SDAM and Prosopagnosia help merge this with my normal very scant memories of the previous day. I do mostly have fantasy dreams, and have been known to wake the whole house by screaming myself awake, such as when the cannibal fairies broke in. Or there was the time I turned to my husband and plaintively asked “but what if I am already satan?” FYI, no I am not religious. I have nothing in my head as far as any senses go, no inner monologue, or structured thoughts. I can only have the coherent thoughts necessary to dictate this post by subvocalising. On another note entirely, I am now starting to get occasional hypnogogic imagery. I have chronic pain and fatigue, so I have more opportunity for this than most. I believe the increase is due to me no longer being scared that I am either “hearing voices” or “seeing things” and suppressing them in fear. The other day, I got a very vivid, bright window with a tree outside of it for a few seconds till it floated away, and this was my clearest yet. I used to think daydreaming was looking for the shapes in the clouds and movement in the scenery, as thats my skill: seeing the patterns in life in all their relationships.
As far as art goes, I am very good at drawing from a photo or still life, but trying to even do a more impressionistic version was beyond me. My mother was a teacher who specialised in art, and tried for years to help me before giving in. Instead these days, I do handcrafts and design my own knitwear for example, I believe I use my spatial memory and pattern recognition more in doing this. For example I realised I could use fairisle techniques to do a 2 bit pattern, so made my husband a space invaders cardigan.
I have vivid dreams, with full imagery, as if I was there.
When conscious, I have zero mental imgary. The best way I can describe it is with a map analogy.
I have an excellent sense of direction but I must first understand the map spacially. When I first look at one visually I am completely lost, but once I anchor myself to landmarks, it is as if I can feel the map, I know where I am on it. I don't look at it and see myself on it, but rather, transplant myself into it.
Imagine an old cathode ray TV set. It's like the image of the map is being broadcast with all its details into the circuitry of the TV, but the screen is not showing it, so instead of looking at it with my eyes, I feel my way around it with my neurons.
I also remember a lot more than most people, and I think that's becase txt files are way smaller than mpegs :)
nice description
I have aphantasia and don't experience mental imagery in my dreams. I am aware of events transpiring in a conceptual way, much like my memories or when reading a book. I have the details, I just don't see them in my mind. When recalling a sunset, I remember the colours in the sky, the shapes of the clouds, the surrounding environment, the quality of the light - just conceptually, not visually. I suppose people without aphantasia don't have much of a reference point for this?
Congratulations! When will the book/audiobook be available in other markets? I am in the US and eager to get the audiobook. I get a lot of newsletters, but yours is the only one that I await and actually read! I so appreciate your doing this work. It's good to know that I am not alone.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia? I used to see things in my dreams when I was younger, but I have zero dream recall now (48 & no recall for decades). Every once in a while I have it, usually a bad dream and always the same topic, but this is extremely rare now. I suspect my dream recall issues are B vitamin/methylation related. When I started the correct vitamins (folinic acid & methylated Bs) I had dream recall for the first time in years, but only for a few days. It didn't last. Since finding out about aphantasia (🤯) I have wondered if this is somehow related to aphantasia or just my bad luck to have no recall and no mind's eye. From comments here sounds like my bad luck...
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing? I am pretty equally left and right brained, meaning I love science, but I also make art. I just do it, I guess, since I don't "see" it beforehand. I prefer abstract these days (maybe partly because of aphantasia, but also because of nerve damage to my dominant hand. Thanks MS! I can't do anything realistic well with my one good hand.) I did need to create from a reference photo if going for realistic in the past.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise? I used to be good with my memories and dates and times, but with the MS not so anymore. Otherwise kinesthetically, like everything else. I don't really have memories of what the sunset looks like, it's about the overall experience and feeling. In middle/high school and college I did photography for the yearbook and newspaper etc. Likely, because it was what helped me remember. I am kinesthetic and auditory over visual when it comes to learning styles, but it's not like I am not visual. I love art, the beauty of nature, colors and textures etc. But I feel it or experience it or hear it or see it with my eyes. I am not a great speller, but I usually know if something is spelled wrong by looking at it written, which is visual. But I can't spell in my mind, I have to type or write it out to spell a word. Like a previous post mentioned I have a narrative memory. Perfect way to put it. I tell stories about things and used to have a lot of details when I was younger despite ADHD-I and aphantasia. Now my good memory is gone, but that's related to B vitamin deficiencies and MS
Andrea, thanks so much, I really appreciate that we are planning some new things and ways to expand the newsletter - more soon!
You should be able to download the audio book right now in the US>? let me know if you cant.
The book does not appear on Audible at all, but now when I search Amazon it shows that the ebook will be available March 28th (but only shows the ebook no audio or hardback). So looks like it's just a delay for the US market. That's okay. At least it shows up now. Originally I couldn't find anything listed on Amazon or Audible or other sites.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia?
Every night, I have multiple vivid color dreams that are movie-like in quality. On a very few occasions, I have experienced smells and sounds in my dreams. I had my first color dream many decades ago when I was 18. It was such a surprise at the time that I remember exactly what is was about to this day. After that, I dreamt in color from time-to-time. It may just be a coincidence, but I feel that the frequency and vividness of my color dreams have increased significantly since Covid.
I can't say for sure, but I think all of my dreams are from my perspective.
I have tried experimenting with visualizing imagery while falling asleep. On a couple of occasions, I was able to conjure up a vague grey image when I was in the twilight zone between wakefulness and sleep.
How do you perceive creative processes like painting, and drawing?
I have very little creativity in areas such as painting and drawing.
Discovering last year that I have aphantasia helped me understand why I have always been a visual learner. I would always ask my staff to draw me a picture, or show me a prototype. When I remodeled my backyard years ago, I had to ask my designer to show me 3-D drawings, as her 2-D plans meant nothing to me.
How do you create the memory of a sunset/sunrise?
I can remember some specific sunrises though I can't visualize them, of course. I enjoy photography. I'm not sure if I'm remembering the memory of the sunrise or the photo I took of the sunrise. I can describe the sunset memory quite well even though there is no mental image of it.
Do you voluntarily create memories?
I'm not sure I understand the question. Discovering aphantasia has helped me understand why so much of my life is a blank. I have complete multi-sensory aphantasia so that hasn't helped. I suspected my autobiographical memory was not as strong as most people, and now I understand why. I think my wife realizes now that I am not being disingenuous when I tell her "I don't remember that." Unlike me, she even remembers the clothes I was wearing 10 years ago when I said "such and such." Another downside of aphantasia is that I've always felt at a disadvantage when arguing a point with her because she remembers so much more detail than me.
Fortunately, only one of my two sons also has aphantasia.
On a different note, I also experienced "exploding head syndrome" for the first time in my life last year. I was about to take a nap when I heard a very loud noise that sounded very real, but was actually not. I also saw a bright explosion of white light similar to fireworks. I had an MRI scan done just in case, but nothing abnormal was found.
Keep up the research! It has been helpful to learn more about this phenomenon.
How do you experience dreams with aphantasia
I dream in full colour, moving images. I often remember my elaborate dreams. I experienced hypnopompia once, which was a delightful surprise.
I dream very vividly, in full colour and with a great deal of detail. some of my dreams are like a whole film script!! I can wake exhausted. I use anti-depressants; one of the issues if I don't use them is that I dream even more and wake up even more tired.
I can remember some things in great visual detail. One example is the wallpaper we had in our kitchen 60 years ago - very modern for the day, black and purple and a couple of other colours (that I don't remember) diamond shapes on what we would now call a statement wall. (I can also remember a lot of detail about the look and feel of things in that old house, such as the brass door handles, the curve of the dark wood bannister etc)
My earliest memory is of waking up in a room with my mother. When I described the detail of that memory, my mother could tell me where it was and roughly when - I was 18 or 19 months old. However, I cannot summon those memories in my mind's eye. I have no idea how I recall them but I do.That is the same way that I summon up the memory of a sunset.
I can't draw or paint. Any creativity I have is with words.